Blame and Shame

Blame and Shame

Recoiling in a cycle of blame and shame after trauma 

"When we recoil in cycles of blame and shame after trauma, we risk becoming trapped in the chains of our past, preventing us from experiencing abundance and freedom in our present and future" - Vilia Y Reynolds.

When experiencing trauma, it can be challenging to move on. The pain and fear we feel can linger long after the event has passed, and we may struggle to understand what happened and how it has changed us.

One of the ways that trauma can affect us is by causing us to fall into patterns of blame and shame. We may blame ourselves for what happened, or we may blame others for not protecting us. We may feel ashamed of what happened, or we may feel ashamed of how we have coped with it.

This behaviour can be like chains and shackles, holding us back from living a life of abundance and personal growth. When stuck in a cycle of blame and shame, we cannot fully engage with the world around us. We may find ourselves constantly on guard, ready to fight or flee at the slightest provocation.

In fight mode, we may become angry and defensive, lashing out at others we feel have wronged us. We may become hyper-vigilant, always on the lookout for signs of danger. In flight mode, we may retreat from the world, isolating ourselves from others and avoiding situations that trigger our fear. 

These behaviours are not a sign of weakness but a response to the trauma we have experienced.
Either way, we are not able to live our lives fully. Instead, we are held back by the chains of blame and shame, unable to break free and embrace the opportunities that life has to offer. But it's important to remember that healing is possible. 

To truly heal from trauma, we must learn to let go of these behaviour patterns and work towards acceptance and forgiveness. Only then can we live a life of abundance and personal growth? 

Recognising when we are stuck in a cycle of blame and shame can be difficult, but there are some signs to look out for. We may find ourselves constantly replaying the traumatic event, looking for ways to do things differently, or blaming ourselves or others. We may become overly critical of ourselves, feeling like we are not good enough or deserving of happiness. We may also struggle with anger, resentment, and bitterness towards ourselves or others.

Breaking free from this cycle requires examining our thoughts and behaviours and consciously trying to change them. One approach is to practice self-compassion, which involves being kind and empathetic towards ourselves, just as we would be towards a suffering friend. It's about recognising that we are not alone in our pain and struggles and that it's okay to be imperfect. This can help us to let go of feelings of shame and self-blame.

Another helpful strategy is to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs and replace them with more positive, empowering ones. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm such a failure," we might reframe it as "I've faced a lot of challenges, but I'm doing the best that I can and making progress."
Ultimately, breaking free from a cycle of blame and shame takes time and effort. Still, it is possible with patience, self-compassion, and support from others. This support can come through therapy, support groups, or simply talking to a trusted friend or family member. 

Remembering that we don't have to go through this journey alone is essential.

V.Y.R Behavioural Consulting

V.Y.R Behavioural Consulting

Hi, I am Vilia Y Reynolds, a Professional Learning Development Trauma Practitioner specialising in trauma coaching and commonly referred to as a Trauma Life Coach. I am a Certified Trauma Incident Reduction Facilitator (TIRF) and a registered member of the Professional Excellence Team of Trauma Practitioners of TIRA and TIRA-SA.

I have over 40 years of experience in learning and development. I have honed my expertise in guiding individuals towards healing and growth. My unique therapeutic approach, the Wardrobe of Love Life-Coaching Model® WoL™, blends multiple techniques from Applied Metapsychology to support individuals on their transformative journeys. My dedication to continuous learning and development ensures I remain at the forefront of trauma education and life coaching knowledge. Based on principles of compassion and proficiency, I provide a safe space for individuals to address trauma, reduce life stress, and unlock their true potential, empowering them to lead fulfilling lives.

Contact

I appreciate your interest in my Trauma Life Coaching Consultancy. I am here to assist you if you have any questions or want to learn more about my Trauma Facilitating and Life Coaching programs. Please complete the contact form below; I will promptly respond to your inquiry. Your privacy and confidentiality are of utmost importance to me. I am committed to providing a safe and supportive environment for your personal growth and healing journey. I look forward to connecting with you and supporting you in achieving your goals.